I have been working out continuously since I bought my Life Fitness treadmill  almost two years ago. I have been feeling good and working out does help especially in the winter seasons. Cold weather can make me lazy to do anything and cold weather affects my mood. Cold weather and dark clouds surely get me depressed. And it still holds true, If I have not exercised for three days. At least, I could tell when I am feeling blue, and I know when it's time for me to get on the treadmill and start my power walk. I don't work out everyday, but I work out at least 2 days a week if I cannot make it to three; for an hour and I shoot for 3 plus miles and 350 calories each time or more depending on how I feel. I don't push myself to the limits. I listen to my body on what I could take. After my workout, I am full of energy that stays for 2 days. This energy gets me to avoid overeating, it gives me a clear mind and; inspire me to be a busy body inside the house, aside from this energy giving me so much motivation in my outlook on life.

I've done exercising at night and in the morning. Lately, I've been doing it in the morning before I have my breakfast. This seems to work for me better because by the time I am ready for bed, my body and mind are ready to relax to lala land.  When I was doing it at night, I am so wired up and sleeping is the last thing in my active mind.

One thing I like the most is I only had one bout with a nasty cold, and it was given to me by my grandson, before Thanksgiving last year. It was a short under the weather feeling because I exercised for the most part of 2008.

My knees used to bother me when I stopped working out. When I got back to it again and having been maintaining it, the pain in my knees went away. I give my body vitamin nourishment, too, concentrating on my beloved heart.  Working out is a necessity in keeping the weight from creeping up, but best of all, it's my body's saving grace.

Below is an article that explains why I feel good -- body and mind (spirit nourishment for me comes from God). The article definitely makes sense.

Have you ever vowed to ring in a new year by starting to exercise—only to end up too busy, tired, or achy? The right motivation can make you 70 percent more likely to keep it up for the long haul, reports the American College of Sports Medicine. But focusing only on weight loss can cut your odds of success by over half, say researchers. A better inspiration: the amazing health rewards you get by being active. A stronger heart and lower cancer risk are two well-known benefits. Here, more that are guaranteed to motivate.

1. Improve your language skills

A single treadmill session can make you brainier. Exercisers who ran just two three-minute sprints, with a two-minute break in between, learned new words 20 percent faster than those who rested, in study at the University of Muenster in Germany. Getting your heart pumping increases blood flow, delivering more oxygen to your noggin. It also spurs new growth in the areas of the brain that control multitasking, planning, and memory.

Do this: Add a bout of exercise, like running up and down the stairs, before trying to memorize anything—say, Spanish phrases for your trip to Mexico.

2. Get all-natural pain relief

It may seem counterintuitive, but rest isn't necessarily best for reducing pain and stiffness in the knees, shoulders, back, or neck. Healthy adults who did aerobic activity consistently had 25 percent less musculoskeletal pain than their couch-bound peers, says Stanford senior research scientist Bonnie Bruce, Dr.P.H., M.P.H., R.D. Exercise releases endorphins, the body's natural pain reliever, and may make you less vulnerable to tiny tears in muscles and tendons. Staying active can also provide relief for chronic conditions such as arthritis: In a University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill study, arthritis sufferers experienced 25 percent less pain and 16 percent less stiffness after 6 months of low-impact exercise like balance and strengthening moves. Most people start to feel improvement within a few weeks, says study author Leigh Callahan, Ph.D., an associate professor of medicine at UNC.

Do this: Practice yoga or tai chi twice a week; both increase flexibility and range of motion and reduce pain.

3. Be happier at work

An active lifestyle may help you check off extra items on your to-do list, says a study from the University of Bristol in the United Kingdom. On days staffers participated in on-site fitness activities, they reported thinking more clearly, getting more done, and interacting more effectively with colleagues. You'll be less likely to miss work due to illness, too. Research shows that people who participate in vigorous leisure-time physical activity (such as jogging or bicycling) just once or twice a week take about half the sick time of those who are more sedentary.

Do this: Sign up for workplace fitness classes. None on-site? Ask HR to designate a room for a noontime yoga session, using DVD or videotape instruction. Or recruit coworkers to go for a lunch hour power walk.

4. Feel sexy at any size

A good workout practically ensures a better body image. A Pennsylvania State University study found that women ages 42 to 58 felt more attractive after four months of walking or yoga even if they didn't lose weight. Exercise can also put you in the mood for love by increasing blood flow to the genitals. University of Washington research found that just one 20-minute cycling workout enhanced sexual arousal up to 169 percent in women. And the benefits stand the test of time: A Harvard study of swimmers found that those over age 60 were as satisfied sexually as those decades younger.

Do this: Try 20 minutes of aerobics before a romantic evening. To feel good naked anytime, walk or do yoga daily.

5. Lower your dental bills

Flossing and brushing, it turns out, are not the only keys to a healthy smile, says Mohammad Al-Zahrani, D.D.S., Ph.D., a former associate professor at Case Western Reserve University. Exercise plays an important role, too. In his recent study, Al-Zahrani discovered that adults who did 30 minutes of moderate activity five or more times a week were 42 percent less likely to suffer from periodontitis, a gum disease that's more common as you get older. Working out may thwart periodontitis the same way it does heart disease—by lowering levels of inflammation-causing C-reactive protein in the blood.

Do this: In addition to staying active, get a twice-yearly dental cleaning (or more often if your dentist says you are at high risk for gum disease).

6. Slash cold risk 33 percent

Moderate exercise doesn't just rev your metabolism—it boosts your immune system, too, helping your body fight off cold bugs and other germs. Women ages 50 to 75 who did 45 minutes of cardio, five days a week, had a third as many colds as those who did once-weekly stretching sessions, a University of Washington study found.

Do this: Stay active, but don't overdo it. More than 90 minutes of vigorous exercise, such as running, most days may actually reduce immunity.

7. Reach the deep-sleep zone

Say good night to poor sleep. Women age 60 and older who walked or danced for at least an hour, four times a week, woke up half as often and slept an average 48 minutes more a night than sedentary women, according to a study in the journal Sleep Medicine. That is good news for the many women who toss and turn more as they get older. As you age, sleep patterns start shifting, so you spend more of the night in lighter sleep phases, says Shawn Youngstedt, Ph.D., an assistant professor of exercise science at the University of South Carolina.

Do this: Aim to exercise for at least half an hour, even if it's after a long day. Evidence suggests that for most people, light to moderate activity in the evening won't disturb sleep, though trial and error will tell you what works for you.

8. Beat bloating

The next time you feel puffy around the middle, resist the urge to stay put. A study from Spain's Autonomous University of Barcelona suggests that mild physical activity clears gas and alleviates bloating. That's because increasing your heart rate and breathing stimulates the natural contractions of the intestinal muscles, helping to prevent constipation and gas buildup by expediting digestion.

Do this: Walk or pedal lightly on a bike until you feel better.

9. See clearly

What's good for your heart is good for your eyes. An active lifestyle can cut your risk of age-related macular degeneration by up to 70 percent, according to a British Journal of Ophthalmology study of 4,000 adults. This incurable disease makes reading, driving, and seeing fine details difficult, and it's the most common cause of blindness after age 60.

Do this: Keep active by walking at least 12 blocks (about a mile) a day, and wear UVA/UVB-blocking sunglasses during outdoor activities all year long.

10. Enjoy instant energy

If you're among the 50 percent of adults who report feeling tired at least one day a week, skip the java and go for a walk. University of Georgia researchers who analyzed 70 different studies concluded that moving your body increases energy and reduces fatigue. Regular exercise boosts certain fatigue-fighting brain chemicals such as norepinephrine and dopamine, which pep you up, and serotonin, a mood enhancer.

Do this: Take a 20-minute stroll for a quick pick-me-up, or aim for 40 minutes of activity daily for a sustained lift.

Lord God, I am thankful for a new beginning. I am full of hope that your light will continuously shine upon us and your blessings and favors will be pouring on those that love and trust You, oh Lord. Father God, I pray that your plans and purposes include protection from hostile power or force that would like to see this country make all kinds of errors. My continued prayer Holy Father is your everlasting guidance. Please convict the hearts of those that blindly walk against your Words. Holy Father, please do not get tired of speaking to our hearts and showing us the path to Your precious Wisdom and Your Righteousness. Holy Father I praise you and I am so thankful that you allow us to see another year. In Jesus Holy Name, I pray Amen.

Some of the dreams I had lately...

One dream that amazingly stands out is about a dream of a popular figure that is about to change his life in a big way. In my dream, I new this person and I was part of the people who was preparing this person for this big responsibility. In my dream, I was able to joke with him and I was reminding him of those things that he does regularly in his daily life before this change. I was telling this person that he doesn't have to iron his clothes anymore because someone will be doing this for him. He gave me sort of an embarrassed grin that seemed to tell me that he was taking this big change as just something he was not expecting deep down. But he seemed to be in awe just like the rest of us because the change was not expected by many.

The other dream was about an unusual place of residence. In my dream I was living with my eldest sister in a weird looking mobile home. The mobile home was on the move all the time. Inside this home, I could see what was outside through the walls, but no one from the outside could see us. In my dream, it seemed like life in that mobile home was so serene. My sister and I each have keys to the mobile home so we do not have to bother each other and we could come and go as we wished. In my dream, a very popular Filipino actress was accompanying me  to an amusement park and on our way, still inside this mobile home, we were comparing this type of trip to trips where we have to stay overnight. It was telling me that this particular trip was a long one.

Another dream was about unfaithfulness and betrayal. In my dream I was working in a company that my husband and I owned. One day I answered a phone call from a woman who was looking for my husband. She told me that she has not heard from my husband for a while and she was wondering why. I was upset but I controlled how I felt to encourage the woman to talk some more about my husband's liaison with her. When I got all the information I needed, I told her that she was talking to the wife of the man she was pining for. After that phone call, I confronted my husband about his affair that I discovered. He was denying it to death, but eventually admitted that it was just a fling and it was not serious at all. Feeling betrayed, I became indifferent with my husband. Eventually, we decided to call it quits and in my dream, he was packing up his belongings.

I've been remembering many of my dreams, not to a point that I could remember every scene after scene;  but enough to remember significant messages to make me think.

One dream that really stuck in my mind was about my bruised integrity that stripped me down to humiliation. I was so upset and emotional and I knew who brought this feeling to me. I was beyond furious and full of revenge overcoming my heart, a feeling that was almost turning into hatred. However, in another dream sequence, I was forgiving and understanding to the one that caused me misery. I was humbling myself to this person who I was in awe of and the fact that he took the time to pay me some attention was enough to absolve this person and show him mercy.

Another dream that stood out was about a dream of a man who looked like Johnny Depp in my dream. The dream represented innocent love. In my dream, I encountered a guy who became infatuated with me. He worked in a place that is alive at night. He was an assistant of someone who was powerful. The powerful man wanted him to work beyond his schedule but he was reluctant as he knew I was waiting for him in his small apartment loft. I was waiting with this small boy. After waiting long enough, I decided to leave because my husband was waiting for me. There was nothing going on with me and this guy that looked like Johnny Depp. I was just curious as to why this person was so in to me. In another scene, I became aware that this guy felt forsaken because I left his place without waiting for him. He was sad and lonely that he got sick and was bedridden and attached with all this life instruments to prolong his life. I went to see him and he felt better. When I woke up from this dream, I thought that it was funny. I had never felt that young, innocent and refreshing love showered to me in years.

My dream the other night was something about a desire to have a different job. In my dream, I quit my old job because I was not happy. I parted ways from this old job without letting my boss know how I really felt about my job. Someone told me to check out a company along the route to my old job. In my dream, I could not remember the name of the company who has a long and tongue twisting name. When I was being interviewed, it seemed like the lady interviewer knew me already; and that I already have taken a test and all she was doing was asking me additioanl questions to get to know me better. On my way to this job prospect, I bumped into someone I knew from my old job. When she found out I was going to be interviewed, she told me that my former job employer was bad mouthing me and spreading rumors that I resigned because I was mentally incapable to handle my old job. I was appalled at the wrong depiction of my character and I could not believe that there are people that would stoop that low to discredit me so they would look good in the eyes of others. This disgusted feeling carried through to my next day interview. I was given a short test of foreign words I've never heard before to be translated in simple English terms. I tried to answer the best way I could, but when I saw the result of my test, I knew I was set up to fail. The interviewer who was now a man was comparing me to another employee in their company that was of the same race as mine. I was so offended and I told this guy that I was not a college graduate but my knowledge is based on my work experience. I was so sickened at the way the interview was heading downhill, but my dream ended where I did not have any idea if I got the job or not.

What If I Don't Change?

By Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D.

Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D.

But reorientation therapy is a long and difficult process, with no guarantee of success. What if the man doesn't change? Will he have gained anything of value?

People are often surprised to hear that in reparative therapy, typically there is very little discussion about sex. In fact, it is a mistake for any psychotherapy to focus exclusively on one particular symptom. Clients come in with a difficulty that they want removed from their life--an eating disorder, gambling obsession, or unwanted same-sex attraction-- but good therapy addresses the whole person.

I typically tell my clients in the very first session, "Rule Number One is, never accept anything I say unless it resolates as true for you." The experience of the client, whatever that may be, must always trump any preconceived theory. Reparative theory holds that the origin of SSA is in unmet emotional and identification needs with the same sex, and the client is free to accept or reject that premise. If that doesn't feel true to him, he will usually decide to leave therapy after one or two sessions.

But if he continues, the therapeutic setting will provide a "holding environment," an opportunity in which he can explore, reexperience and assimilate past, painful trauma. Here, he begins to liberate himself from old patterns of self-sabotage. He grows beyond the emotional isolation and chronic loneliness that have so long limited him, and develops a renewed emotional investment in authentic relatedness.

Through a relationship with an attuned therapist, the client discovers how it feels to emotionally disclose to another man--revealing those long-buried, shame-evoking feelings. He experiences from him a deep acceptance of wherever he is in his life, at that point in time, whether he changes or not. Such an experience is always deeply therapeutic.

Besides an enhanced ability to develop genuine male friendships, the client will discover healthier relationships with females-- where he learns to prohibit the boundary violations with women that have caused him to surrender his separate, masculine selfhood.

He will also learn how to examine himself with appropriate criticism--no longer "beating himself up" with self-blame-- and in the process, he will better distinguish between constructive critiques and shame-based distortions. As one client put it,

"In the past, I made the worst self-appraisals and simply assumed the worst about myself. But now, there is a clarity of wants and needs--strength in my voice--and a deeper way of communicating."

With time, he develops the conviction that he must accept the people in his life as they are, without the need to defensively distort reality in order to remember them as having been better than they were. Further, any hurt and anger at parents and peers turns into a certain benevolent acceptance: "They were what they were." "In their own way, I know my parents loved me." "Those other guys had their own insecurities." Here, the man comes to understand the attachments he has formed with a new attitude of humility and compassion--even toward those who have hurt him.

One man told me:

Last night I had a salient conversation with myself about giving to others. I can empathize with other people more--because now, I can feel my own feelings more.

I think I've finally quit hiding from myself--and I want my personal journey to end with deeper relationships with people.

Rather than focusing on sexual-orientation change, the primary work of therapy is, in fact, to teach the client to relate from a place of authenticity, openness and honesty. This way-of-being in the world is what we call the Assertive Stance, where the person matches up his inner feelings with his outer dealings--to paraphrase Fosha, who defines the healthy individual as the person who is actively "feeling and dealing." *

We, too, believe that "feeling and dealing" is the essential ingredient to the healing of SSA: teaching the person to live and love from his authentic self. When he truly does so, we believe, his unwanted SSA will powerfully diminish and ultimately disappear.

Besides this growth in human connectedness, the client learns to reject the Shame Posture that has so long paralyzed him. As one man explained:

"In the center of my chest I feel the heavy truth that I've spent 40 years of my life not taking action; afraid of men--afraid of women--afraid of living. I've let my shame-wound separate me from people."

The client should conclude therapy with a better understanding of why he has those attractions that feel so alien to his ego, and what he can do, if he wishes, to continue to diminish them.

But what about the client who fails to change; will he be left in a sort of "intimacy limbo" -- not heterosexual, yet unable to be intimate with men? The truth is, our client was never intimate with men. That is why he came to therapy. He also came to us because he believes that true sexual intimacy with a person of the same gender is, in fact, not possible: same-sex eroticism simply fails to match his biological and emotional design, and does not reflect who he is on the deepest level.

Some clients, of course, change their worldview over time. "Jason" recently left reparative therapy to live in a gay relationship. He had come to believe that homosexuality was, contrary to his earlier beliefs, truly compatible with his religion. His worldview had changed so much that he and I were no longer in fundamental agreement about the meaning of homosexuality, and we agreed to end our working relationship. He told me, "I didn't change sexual orientation, but I can truly say that I've learned to be my own person."

Other men enter reparative therapy as gay-identified from the start. With those clients, we agree on a precondition to our working together--that is, we will not address the issue of sexual-identity change, but we will work on all of their other problems in living. And so we work on issues like capacity for intimacy, problems with self-esteem, internalized shame, childhood trauma, and the search for identity.

The good therapist always conveys his complete acceptance of the client, even if that client eventually decides to gay-identify. Like Jason, some of our clients decide to change course and embrace homosexuality as "who they are." Some never lose their conviction that they were designed to be heterosexual, and they persist toward that goal. Others remain ambivalent about change, while going in and out of gay life over a period of months. We accept their choices even if we don't agree with them, because we accept the person.

---

---

How a 'gay rights' leader became straight

---

Posted: July 03, 2007
1:00 am Eastern

By Michael Glatze
© 2008 

As someone who has personally struggled with lesbianism, I am very aware of the unhappiness, confusion and misery that it can cause in one's life.

There are those who would say that the only way for homosexually oriented people to find any real peace or happiness in life, is to just accept their homosexuality, fully immerse themselves in Gay-Affirmative Therapy and ultimately "come out." My own experience, however, has proven this idea false. I have been undergoing Reparative Therapy* and have found it to be extremely effective in providing me with not only a tremendous amount of relief and healing in my struggle, but also a profound sense of peace and happiness that I have not experienced before.

The improvements I have experienced have been so great, in fact, that I have become strongly motivated to do all I can to change the opinion of those people who aggressively oppose this type of therapy.

But where should a layperson start such an endeavor? Where does one go to have their voice and experience heard--and ultimately, to have some influence on how homosexuality is viewed and treated?

I decided to begin by sharing, in a letter, my views and experience of Reparative Therapy with the American Psychiatric Association (APA). To date, I have not received even so much as an acknowledgment from the APA that they received my letter.

Next, I decided to begin a personal quest to try to somehow reach Ellen DeGeneres and attempt, via my own witness, to open her mind to the possibility that treatment alternatives like Reparative Therapy can be good and effective, and subsequently, do have a valid place.

Ellen's "coming out" in 1997 and her subsequent implied endorsement and promotion of Gay-Affirmative Therapy as being the sole healthy, acceptable treatment approach has profoundly influenced the lives of many homosexually oriented people, not just in the United States, but around the entire world. Ellen's public witness has also given much strength to the gay-activist movement and its political push to have Reparative Therapy banned, and Gay-Affirmative Therapy recognized by the APA as the only healthy and acceptable treatment modality.

I attempted to reach Ellen earlier this year by writing my story about my life and experience with homosexuality, and the therapy I had undergone. I was hoping that, in the remote chance of her receiving and reading it (amongst the thousands of other letters she receives), she might at least enter into some dialogue with me about it. Not surprisingly, I have not had any response to that letter.

Then, I decided to attempt to reach Ellen by posting a short letter on the public comment boards on her show's website. Here is a copy of my post:

Dear Ellen,

I think you are an incredibly fun, caring and talented person... I just absolutely love your humor and I think you are very genuine... and it is because I really do care for you very much as a person that I want to share some thoughts with you about something that is very relevant to both of us, and that you might like to think about.

Since I was 18 I have experienced homosexual attraction and have been in several same-sex relationships. However, after a lot of research and study on the subject, as well as a lot of honest soul-searching, I have come to the conclusion that homosexuality is not normal, natural and healthy.

Just from a totally biological point of view, it is really quite clear to me that our bodies were not "naturally designed" to have sex with the same sex. I mean, if we were meant to have sex with members of the same sex, we would have had designed into our bodies a natural way to satisfy each other sexually. As it is, fulfilment can only be obtained artificially -- that is, homosexual men and women both have to use "things" that you can hardly say were naturally designed for sexual intercourse (eg., anus, mouth, vibrator, rubber dildos, hand, etc. etc.... sorry for being so explicit but we need to be really honest here and face the reality of the situation and not gloss over the truth).

The fact is, the natural design of our bodies clearly reveals their true purpose and intention and in homosexual actions, we are clearly not using our bodies in the way they were naturally designed to be used. On the contrary, we are using them in an unnatural way and therefore it cannot be normal or healthy.

Anything done against nature cannot be right or healthy. We may initially think we can "get away with" doing things against nature and that it is "OK," but as with everything else in nature, when it is abused, ignored or not respected, there always will be negative consequences to pay.

I know you will say, if it is not "natural," then what causes people to be sexually attracted to people of the same sex? From all of my research and study (of which I have done an enormous amount), I am now totally convinced that it is actually a psychological and emotional disorder caused primarily by early childhood family and social experiences and influences, and our unconscious reaction to those influences (which is largely dependent upon our inherent personality and temperament type)... And it can be effectively treated, or at the very least alleviated, in people who are willing to obtain help.

I have been undergoing therapy for some time now to help repair the emotional damage that I experienced in my early developmental years, which I believe caused most of my homosexual-attraction problems, and I can honestly attest to the therapy's effectiveness. I am finally starting to feel "alive" for the first time in my life. At the same time, I am also starting to discover what I believe to be the "real me," the "true me"... at last; that is, the person who I was really meant to be... the person I was originally designed to be.

In other words, I am slowly becoming on the inside, the person that reflects the physical person I was born as on the outside... To put it another way, my internal psychological and emotional sexual identity is slowly aligning with the gender or sexual identity with which I was physically born. The two are actually becoming less in conflict with each other, and are slowly re-aligning to become one--i.e., female, inside and out. And, what's even more incredible, I am now actually feeling my homosexual urges starting to diminish and heterosexual attraction starting to develop in me!

This has been so liberating for me and has given me such a great sense of peace about myself, unlike I have ever known before. That is not to say that it has been easy. There's been a fair amount of "emotional surgery" performed to get to this point (and still some more needed) and it takes a lot of courage, determination and willpower to get through it, but in the end, I believe it to be truly worth it for the ultimate relief that it brings.

I recommend that you consider it... you may believe that you have had some great moments in your life thus far, but trust me, if you really open your mind to what I am saying and choose to take my advice.... the best is yet to come!"

Of course, in posting that comment, I had no idea if it was ever even going to get past Ellen's web monitors and into her own hands or not, but whatever the case, here follows what happened. Within 24 hours of my comment being posted, it was not only removed from the website, but I was banned from posting on the site again!

Every time I attempted to post something again, a page came up with the statement, "You are not allowed to post on here"!

So much for freedom of speech, I thought! Where is the tolerance and acceptance of other peoples' views? Why is it that Ellen is allowed to talk openly about her personal experience with regard to her homosexuality, but I am not allowed to talk about my own personal experience and feelings with regard to this same issue?

I then re-posted my comment on Ellen's website through someone else's computer, along with some added questions as to why my post was removed-- and again, I was banned from the site. My post was removed and I was banned from sending anything through that second computer!

Four times I re-posted my comment with the attached questions regarding their discriminatory and intolerant response to my post, and each time, my post was removed.

About a week later, I thought I would try to see if I could post again from my own computer; and lo and behold, for whatever the reason, they had lifted the ban. So I decided to try re-posting a slightly edited version of my original comment. When I checked the website the next morning, not only was my new post gone, but everywhere that anyone could previously post a comment on the show's website, had also been removed. All public comment/feedback options were now totally gone!

What was the reason? I don't know, but even though the public comment boards on Ellen's website have been shut down, my personal quest has not!

One way or another I am determined, as one who has found Reparative Therapy to be immensely helpful, to find a way to have some say in this important public debate. Gay activists alone should not have all the say when it comes to deciding what is effective and acceptable in the treatment of homosexuality. Those of us who have benefited from Reparative Therapy also need to be heard and considered.

Reparative Therapy works for me, and nobody has the right to deny me, or anyone else for that matter, access to it.

------Siena de la Croix

SOURCE:       http://www.narth.com/docs/leaving2.html

Homosexuality 101:
What Every Therapist, Parent, And Homosexual Should Know

Julie Harren, Ph.D., LMFT

Julie Harren, Ph.D., LMFT

Homosexuality is an issue that has often been mishandled by therapists due to misinformation on the topic. Although not supported by the research, many therapists believe that homosexuality is solely biological in nature, and therefore unchangeable. Yet despite ongoing efforts, researchers have not discovered a biological basis for same-sex attractions. In fact, many researchers hypothesize that a homosexual orientation stems from a combination of biological and environmental factors. For example, when asked if homosexuality was rooted solely in biology, gay gene researcher, Dean Hamer, replied, "Absolutely not. From twin studies, we already know that half or more of the variability in sexual orientation is not inherited. Our studies try to pinpoint the genetic factors...not negate the psychosocial factors" (Anastasia, 1995, p. 43). In addition, brain researcher Simon LeVay has acknowledged that multiple factors may contribute to a homosexual orientation (LeVay, 1996).

What, then, are the causes of homosexual attractions? These feelings typically stem from a combination of temperamental factors and environmental factors that occur in a child's life. According to Whitehead and Whitehead (1999), "Human behavior is determined by both nature and nurture. Without genes, you can't act in the environment at all. But without the environment your genes have nothing on which to act" (p. 10). One way of understanding this combination might be expressed in the following equation:

Genes + Brain Wiring + Prenatal Hormonal Environment = Temperament
Parents + Peers + Experiences = Environment
Temperament + Environment = Homosexual Orientation

While environmental factors may include experiences of sexual abuse or other traumatic events, a common contributor to same-sex attractions is a disruption in the development of gender identity. Gender identity refers to a person's view of his or her own gender; that is, his or her sense of masculinity or femininity. Gender identity is formed through the relationships that a child has with the same-sex parent and same-sex peers.

The process of gender identification begins approximately between age two and a half and four. For boys, it is during this phase that they begin to move from their primary attachment with the mother to seeking out a deeper attachment with the father. For males, the relationship between a boy and his father is the initial source of developing a secure gender identity. It is through the father-son relationship that a boy discovers what he needs to know about being male, including who he is as a boy, how boys walk, how they talk, how they act, and so forth. As the father spends time with the son, shows interest in the son, and gives the son affirmation and affection, the father imparts to the son a sense of masculinity. The boy begins to develop a sense of his own gender by understanding himself in relation to his father.

When the child reaches the age of five, he begins to face another task, that is, to begin to attach to same-sex peers. At this age, he starts school and begins to look to the other boys to answer the same questions that his dad has been answering. He looks to the other boys to discover how they walk, how they talk, how they play, and how he measures up in relation to them. He seeks to be included, accepted, and acknowledged. Through the relationships he forms with other boys, he continues to gain a sense of masculinity, discovering more about others boys and therefore more about himself as a boy.

During the early years of elementary school, children are not usually very interested in playing with members of the opposite sex. They desire to spend time with members of the same sex. This is a very necessary stage of development, because a person cannot be interested in the opposite sex or in others, until he or she first understands himself or herself.

Eventually, after many years of bonding with members of the same sex, the boy enters puberty. At this time he begins to turn his attention to the opposite sex. He becomes curious about the gender which is different from his own, the female gender. With the simultaneous emergence of puberty, this curiosity becomes a sexual interest and a desire for romantic connection with the opposite sex.

Conversely, for the child who will develop a homosexual orientation, this process does not happen. So, what happens in the development of gender identity that would lead a child to have same-sex attractions? Typically, for this child, there is something that prevents him from attaching to the father. Either he doesn't have a father or a father figure, or he doesn't have a father who he perceives as safe and/or welcoming. Of course, there are many children who grow up without fathers and yet do not develop a homosexual orientation. In addition, there are many children who have loving fathers, yet still become homosexually oriented. This is due to the fact that there are various factors that contribute to a homosexual orientation. Human development is very complex and includes events, as well as perceptions about the events.

Perceptions are very important. Perceptions are more powerful than what actually happens, because perceptions become that person's reality. Perceptions are influenced by temperament. For example, a child with a more sensitive temperament might perceive rejection even when rejection is not intended. Temperament is the biological contributor; however, temperament alone is not enough to create a homosexual orientation. The temperament type must be met with the right environmental factors in order to produce same-sex attractions. Typically the child who will later develop same-sex attractions is naturally sensitive, observant, intelligent, and is sometimes more artistic than athletic. This child often tends to personalize and internalize experiences and observations.

So, if a child perceives that his father does not want a relationship with him, that child might try a few times to connect with his father, but will eventually retract in self-protection. This is called defensive detachment. Upon sensing rejection, the boy chooses to reject the father in return. He detaches from the father and even what the father represents, which is masculinity (Nicolosi & Nicolosi, 2001). Typically at this point, he will stay connected to the mother and will instead soak in femininity. Usually he is also surrounded by other female figures, such as, a sister, an aunt, or a grandmother. So at a time when he is craving masculine input and seeking to understand himself in terms of his male identity, he instead receives feminine input and begins to develop a sense of the feminine.

By the time this child enters school, he often has a difficult time relating with other boys. Either he is just more comfortable with the girls, who are more familiar to him, or he is intimidated by the boys. Often this child sees himself as different from the other boys. So he may hold back from bonding with them. If he has developed any feminine mannerisms, he might also be rejected by the other boys and quite possibly even ridiculed. He is craving acceptance from the other boys and continues to need this acceptance, though the need goes unmet. The boy watches the other boys from afar, he longs to be noticed by them, and included by them, yet he remains with the girls, further gaining a sense of the feminine while deeply craving the masculine.

This child typically spends his elementary school years learning about femininity while craving to understand masculinity. Specifically, he desires to understand himself in terms of his own masculine identity. Yet, he does not assimilate with the same-sex parent or same-sex peers, so he does not acquire a masculine identity. He associates with the feminine, which is his primary source of input. He does not develop a secure gender identity. So by the time this child reaches puberty, the craving for male input has grown and intensified. At this time in his life he is not curious about or interested in the opposite sex. He already knows all about the opposite sex-- they are quite familiar to him. What he is craving to know about is his own gender. He still deeply longs to know about boys. He longs to experience connections with males. This emotional need, the need for same-sex love, which has gone unmet, now begins to take on a sexual form. His unsatisfied cravings for male love become romantic cravings with the emergence of puberty. (Satinover, 1996).

To this child, it feels very natural that he longs for male love. In fact, he typically thinks that he was born that way, having craved male love for as long as he can remember. Indeed, he has craved this love most of his life. However, initially it was not a sexual craving. Instead, it was an emotional craving, a legitimate need for non-sexual love, an emotional need that has become sexualized.

The female development of homosexuality is a bit more complex. As with the male development, there are a number of factors that can contribute. For some women who end up with same-sex attractions, the development is similar to the male development previously described. For others, negative perceptions regarding femininity may lead to an internal detachment from their own femininity. For example, if a girl watches her father abuse her mother, the girl might conclude that to be feminine is to be weak. At an early age she might make an unconscious decision to detach from her female identity. She might detach from her own gender in an effort to protect herself from the perceived harmful effects of being female.

Sexual abuse is another factor that can contribute to a homosexual orientation. In these cases men are seen as unsafe, and lesbianism becomes a way of protecting against further hurt from a male. For some there might be a disconnection from the mother, and lesbianism becomes a search for motherly love. For others, same-sex attractions may not initially be present, but may later develop as a result of entering into a non-sexual friendship which becomes emotionally dependant. An emotionally dependent relationship is one in which two people seek to have their needs met by one another. It is a relationship in which healthy boundaries are not in place. The absence of appropriate emotional boundaries can then lead to a violation of physical boundaries.

For any of these reasons listed above, and in combination with other factors, same-sex attractions may develop. To the one who has these feelings, they are very real and very strong. There are many people who find themselves attracted to members of the same sex and yet do not want those attractions. For those who are dissatisfied with their sexual orientation, it should be noted that change is indeed possible. Research studies have revealed that change of sexual orientation does take place (see Spitzer, 2003; Byrd & Nicolosi, 2002). It is not a quick or easy process, but as with any other therapeutic issue, varying degrees of change are achievable through therapy and other means.

The inaccurate concept that homosexuality is solely biological is extremely misleading. Many therapists tell their clients that homosexuality is biological and therefore unchangeable. These therapists encourage their clients to embrace a gay identity, even when such clients are seeking change for their orientation. In doing so, therapists negate clients' rights to self-determination. Clients have the right to choose their own goals for therapy and should be allowed to pursue the path they desire. Clients should not be discouraged from pursuing change when change is what they seek. In order for clients to have the options made available to them, it is vital that therapists as well as clients become better educated on this issue.

SOURCE:   http://www.narth.com

SY ROGERS

The first half of my life was an emotional concentration camp: My alcoholic mother was killed in a car wreck when I was four. Prior to that, I was sexually molested by a family "friend". After my mum's death, I was separated from my father for a year. I lived in an emotional vacuum. My identity and security as a male was left unaffirmed and unnourished. Later in school, I was routinely ridiculed, rejected and physically abused due to my effeminate mannerisms. Even though I tried to "conform to the norm", I was continually labeled a homosexual and a failure as a man. It's no wonder I had problems. As a teenager, I had not yet identified myself as homosexual. Yet, I was certainly aware of my attractions to the same sex and I felt fear and shame. A few years later, when eventually involving myself in the gay scene, I felt such a sense of relief. I felt accepted and understood. At last, I had a place to belong. It was great for a while. Soon I was living in the fast lane, and always surrounding myself with others who would reaffirm and reinforce the gay life. When living in Hawaii, my two gay room-mates became husband and husband in that State's first non-official gay-male wedding in a pro-gay church. I was their "Best Man". Yet later, they would become the first to tell me that overcoming homosexuality was possible -- they had begun the effort themselves. They said God was helping them, and that they were praying for me. I laughed in contempt, thinking they were some kind of traitors.

My own journey out of the gay life first began with my attempt at securing male love by becoming a woman through a sex change. Though I did not get around to ever having the surgery, I was on hormone therapy and lived as a woman for about a year and a half. Yet, even then I realized that surgery couldn't really solve my problems and wouldn't secure love for me. Realizing that I hadn't managed my life very well on my own, I finally began sincerely seeking after God. It was my re-ignited faith in God that led me down a new path I once thought impossible for me. It wasn't that I was trying to stop being gay. I didn't know "how" -- or if it was possible. I was however, willing to stop living my life on my tents. Instead, I yielded to God on His terms. That was in January 1980.

At the time, my gay friends thought I was crazy. They said I'd be back in the bars in a week -- a month -- a year. I never went back. But it wasn't easy. I did have a lot of struggles in the beginning, but like most worthwhile efforts, perseverance paid off. Today I very much enjoy the opportunity to live beyond my past problems. I enjoy being a husband since l982, and a father. It isn't proof that I'm not gay, but it is evidence ofa life I never thought possible. My recovery process took time and work and the encouragement and accountability of my supportive friends. More importantly, my recovery depended on my willingness to co-operate with God. Over the years and around the globe, everyone that I personally know -- or know of -- that has overcome homosexuality has been enabled to do so as a direct consequence of a life yielded to God and committed to the way of Christ. Though I'll never live my life as if I had never been homosexual, I am able to live beyond having been homosexual. And I'm not unique. There are many thousands of ex-homosexuals, though most are not public about it. I've met many here in Singapore, and in Asia ... in fact, around the world!

Sy Rogers' dramatic story of overco ming homosexuality has been shared on 6 continents and in numerous publications and media interviews. He has hosted award-winning TV and Radio programs in the U.S., specifically dealing with recovery from sexually-related problems.

Sy has served as President of Exodus International, North America, part of the world-wide network of Christian agencies with outreach to the sexually broken. Sy has also been selected as one of the Outstanding Young Men of America, as well as Who's Who in Human Services Professionals.

Sy has served on the pastoral staff with Church of Our Saviour, Singapore.

He and his wife Karen have been married since 1982. They have one daughter.

More information about Sy Rogers is available at http://www.syrogers.com/

read more at: http://www.exodusglobalalliance.org/commonquestionsabouthomosexualityp39.php